Event planning and event logistics are no jokes, but it turns out, joking about them can be pretty fun. Below are nine jokes that explain why your business might need a new event planning and logistics services provider.
Three sales reps were running late to a sales event they were hosting at a convention center near their hotel. Worried that they would lose sales if they didn’t have a good excuse for their tardiness, they agreed to tell the attendees that they’d taken a shuttle from the hotel that had broken down on its way to the center (since, you know, a story about a broken-down rental car would invite too many questions). To make their story believable, they parked their rental car three blocks away and splashed water on their faces to make it look like they’d had to walk a long way from the broken down shuttle bus to the center.
The “perspiring” sales reps arrived late, told their shuttle bus story, and then gave their presentation. At the end of the presentation, one of the sales reps asked if anyone had any questions. One attendee raised his hand and replied, “Just one. Who handles your event logistics?” The sales reps looked puzzled. The attendee continued, “I just want to know so that I don’t accidentally hire them and wind up telling some cockamamie story about a broken down shuttle bus to a room full of people who know for a fact that the convention center doesn’t allow shuttle buses.”
Clear sign you need a new event planner? When you ask about execution plans when it comes to an emergency such as a fire, your current event planner responds, “No problem. I was a Boy Scout. I can totally execute a fire in an emergency.”
You know a third-party event logistics provider takes their work a little too seriously when their agency’s tag line is the Mark Twain quote, “A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” That’s a cool quote and all, but, like, you just want to know if offering fish in addition to chicken will fit within your quarterly lunch-and-learn budget.
A Cloud solutions provider was astonished to find that its outsourced event planner had managed to get so many people from the media to attend its annual sales event. “Oh, yeah,” the event planner explained, “once we reached out to meteorologists across the country and explained that you had solutions for clouds, they were all over it.”
Sales Manager: Will your event logistics services help drive revenue?
Event Logistics Rep: Planning your event will definitely drive our revenue.
Sales Manager: I’m asking if your services will not only keep to a budget, but actually help drive sales?
Event Logistics Rep: We can definitely sell you all the bells and whistles, especially if your budget is flexible.
Sales Manager: No. What I’m trying to ask is . . .
Did you hear about the smart mobile device guru that married the unqualified event planner? The ceremony was a disaster, but the reception was awesome. #badweddinggreatreception
One sign your prospective event planning and logistics provider is unqualified:
The provider’s food and beverages expert suggests barbecue spare ribs and orange soda as good alternatives to amuse-bouches and cocktails.
One sign your prospective provider might also be lacking when it comes to post-event follow-up:
Upon hearing these alternatives, the provider’s marketing team suggests that instead of following up by phone or by e-mail, post-event follow-up services should consist of handing out paper towels customized with your company logo to attendees as they exit your event—which your attendees will most certainly do, quickly.
When asked about working directly with your marketing director, your prospective event planning and logistics provider responds, “I constantly refer to one of the Ten Commandments for support throughout communications with any client’s marketing director.” When you ask which commandment, she replies, “Thou shalt not kill.”
Your outsourced event planner includes a limerick like this one on your event invitation:
If you don’t want to be conversational
But want products that are economical
You should come to our show
With checkbook in tow
And quietly pay fees that are nominal.